After ‘Thought’

What is the thinker to do when he no longer has faith in his thinking?

I do not think there is anything ‘wrong’ with my mind. It has arrived at this destination through its own doing. It has opened up to the possibilities; it has taken them on in the pursuit of what is true. Now I find that the truth I was in search of is much more elusive than expected; so elusive that it may not even be an actual thing. I cannot help but find that following reason leads the thinker to the edges of mind. Looking over these edges he sees paradoxes and uncertainty. Not only do I see these, but I feel them. Where do I go from here?

I find it absurd that much of current philosophical thinking is concerned with taking the very thinkers, whose minds do the actual philosophizing, out of the picture. ‘We should only be seeking the truth outside of man.’ Yet there is no escaping ourselves. We are confined to our unique individual perspectives. Yes, we can find common ground and relate, whether through reason or similar experiences, but these functions do not allow one to completely and wholly enter the perspective of another. I am aware of others through my awareness. Others will always be an aspect within my awareness. I cannot experience their awareness in the way that I do mine.

This is the case with experience in general; it all passes through my awareness. Any and all knowledge of objects has been able to be because of my awareness. This is not to claim some God-like power, but only to take account of the way things appear to be. One may claim, “But there is history before I came to be.” That individual has not ‘stepped back’ into the position from within his or her own perspective to witness such an aspect of reality. Such an observation is to be seen for oneself. Yes, there is such a thing as ‘history before birth’, but it is an object within awareness. How is knowledge of anything to exist, if there is no awareness in which knowledge can occur?

Assuming this perspective, within one’s own awareness, the thinker can understand and feel how vital to the philosophical inquiry he or she is. If truth is to be uncovered it can arise only within his or her awareness. With this perspective comes the discomfort of solipsistic uncertainty. One is both necessary for the world to exist, but also seemingly other than it or at least drastically different from it. One is the awareness, but is the rest merely objects within that awareness? Such a hierarchy is unnecessary. As much as objects depend on awareness, so too does awareness depend on objects. I have no experience of pure or empty awareness during which I can be said to be fully conscious or present. Awareness is always awareness of something. For verification, the thinker can observe such from the present moment.

I began this article believing I had lost faith in thinking, or what meaningful truths the mind may uncover. I find now that it may not have been the entirety of thinking that I had lost faith in, but those modes of thinking which have seemingly become most prevalent and accepted. It seems appropriate to now continue the radical inquiry of Being and Awareness…

The Value of Experience

I am undeniably aware of one mode of experience. This mode of experience is that which is through human consciousness. It has always been from this perspective; attached to, witnessed through the human Being. This seeming combination of body and consciousness forming one Being. I experience this dynamic of Being, it plays out, in full, moment by moment in the passage of time. I am Aware of this.

Much like the dependence between Being and Awareness, dependence is also fundamental to experience and experiencer. We must look closer into the nature of the experiencer to reveal what exactly that position is. As the experience is the totality of all that is and all that is going on, the experiencer must be the witness of this totality; that to which it all happens, or appears. Yet the experiencer is much a part of the experience and so is not just a passive witness. The experiencer is more so a participant in and witness of experience.

These roles of participant and witness are so long as experience is. We may start by assuming that as long as one finds these roles enjoyable, or at the least tolerable, experience has some value. It is worth its happening. Our current assumption of what the alternative to experience could be is nothingness. This nothingness contains nothing; neither experience nor experiencer. Though we may assume such nothingness resides at both ends of this experience, before birth and after death, its actuality seems unintelligible from inside this experience. Its understanding would require an experience which could not be experienced. We may conclude that this something that is experience is preferable to nothingness so long as experience has some value. As of now it seems that value is found in the experiencer’s participation and witnessing.

If the experience of the experiencer is found to be valueless the experiencer finds itself in a predicament. The experiencer may either press on and allow time to pass with the chance that experience may become valuable at a future moment or the experiencer may voluntarily open up to the nothingness which follows experience. Regardless of which is chosen, there is no escape for the experiencer as nothingness is the absence of experience; the absence of experience is the absence of an experiencer. The experiencer must either continue to experience or cease to Be. So then the experiencer cannot be outside of experience. Death seems a complete end; if it were certain that nothingness does indeed follow experience.

The value of experience may be found in its being something rather than nothing. It is preferable, valuable, in that it is happening, it is unfolding. There is something going on rather than a complete unimaginable nothingness. Such nothingness could not even take place; it is radically different from this something that is experienced and fills awareness. The allowing for Being and Awareness may be the root of the value of experience. Next we shall inquire into what may grow from this root of value.

The Experience and the Experiencer

– Everything is part of experience.

Experience is all that occurs through the development of consciousness. All that which awareness is aware of and all the being awareness lets be. Awareness itself is included in this everything. Entering into experience and experiencing allows for knowledge or awareness of anything. Things can be because there is awareness of them during/in experience.

– Experience requires an experiencer.

The consciousness of a being experiences. I have experienced that which my consciousness has allowed me awareness of. My consciousness has given me a perspective, it has allowed for ‘me’. This me is the experiencer. I experience all the happenings “around” me; the world and all that makes it a world. Without this perspective there is nothing to experience this world.

– Therefore, if there is no experiencer then there is nothing.

If everything is, allowed to be, because of experience then without experience nothing is. There is no experience if there is no experiencer. The experiencer, consciousness, seemingly arises from nothingness which may be considered outside of experience; that which cannot be experienced. It also seems that the experiencer is carried back out of experience at death to nothingness. There is a necessary relationship between the experiencer and the experience. For the experiencer is the witness, the awareness, that allows for experience. The experience allows for all that is, including the experiencer. As long as this relationship is, experience moves along.

Experience

When we talk of experience we refer to the whole of it all; that which arises through birth and seemingly ceases at death. All is included in this, even the ‘history’ that is revealed, or given access to, by the happening of experience; by one’s Being and Awareness. In the same way, though the future is never wholly upon one’s Being, through experience the future can be projected upon and is revealed as a constant element of experience. Can we be sure of a future if our Being is no longer here to be aware of it? Were we aware of the past, history, before we Became?

In one sense experience seems to carry on effortlessly. In another sense there is always effort being put into the continuance of experience. One does not have to bring about the next moment through their will, it just comes upon one’s Being as time unfolds. Yet, one’s human Being must sustain itself through the passing moments. It must survive to experience. Effort is also found in the decisions that one faces in momentary experience. One is presented with possible ways to act. Some of these possibilities lie outside of one’s awareness while others are so obviously present they impede access to other possibilities. The overwhelming presence of what is common.

From the perspective of the individual consciousness this experience seems to have just come about. The individual just finds their self experiencing. The individual did not will their self into being; it seemingly came out of nowhere; nothingness. Yet once the individual becomes aware of his or her origins, the individual may then become aware of the effort which provided for the coming about of experience. Through the efforts, or the will, of others in the decisions they made in their momentary experience the individual was given grounds to come into this state of experience.

The awareness of choices and of the decisions to be made gives experience its weight. One is pressed with how one will go about. An awareness of so many possibilities, of the intricacies of each decision and what each decision may bring about, and the constant element of uncertainty; these things increase the weight of experience on one’s Being and Awareness.

Perspectives Consciousness Experience

Opening through the human Being, Awareness reveals itself through consciousness.

Through consciousness not only does Awareness become individualized but so too does Being. Awareness takes the perspective of one, though constantly changing, Being. In Being’s being conscious, other beings are shown, or revealed, as beings.

We may at this point have to accept ‘nothing’ as the state prior to Being and Awareness. If we acknowledge the co-dependency of Being and Awareness to its fullest extent, along with our tracing back from our current state, then this seems the most acceptable conclusion. The common view seems to take the ‘outer perspective’; this world was as it was before any awareness of it and will be as it is once Awareness fades away. This view overlooks the necessity of Being and Awareness, in that Being is allowed to be without any awareness.

The other perspective which may be considered the ‘inner view’ often grants the privilege to awareness. By this view it may be claimed that Being is dependent upon awareness. There is issue here as I experience only an individualized mode of awareness. This individualized mode is made possible only through consciousness, which is inseparable from Being. So then, I am unable to claim that ‘what is’ springs forth only in my being aware of it. This would deny my own individual perspective which I experience as so due to the relationship of consciousness and Being.

I find it reasonable then to accept what the tracing back through memory from our current state reveals; a co-arising from nothingness of Being and Awareness which together allow for this experience. So privilege is not granted to the outer world, being, or the inner world, awareness. Rather, privilege is given to experience; the occurrence of both Being and Awareness. Experience emerges from nothingness into itself. This is how it appears to us. From where else could experience emerge?

I have assigned a sense of emergence, or coming from, to experience. This would imply a process that occurs. We have described some such process in our examination of consciousness, but this process is that process’ origin. As the process of the development of consciousness shares a relationship with time, we must wonder if the process of emergence, as we have currently revealed it, also shares some relation to time or if its close proximity to nothingness should not allow for such a relation.

Past, Present, Future

I am here; in the present moment. I also extend out into the past and future. My Being has arrived in this present moment and will move on from this present moment.

I experience an undeniable ‘stickiness’ to the past; I grip back to it from my present moment. Open to my Being lies a future, whether determined or not, I know not what it holds in store.

There are those whose Being clings to customs of the past; weary of what will emerge from the unknown of their future. There is a chance that what will emerge from the open will dilute the fabric of their past. With awareness of this, one may open themselves to that future, emerge from that past and float in the present.

On the Human Being

“I am conscious, I am aware that I am conscious; I realize that I am conscious in that awareness of my being conscious.”

As our previous inquiry found us reliant on memory in tracing back to origin, we must now examine what this faculty of memory is a part of. We should start with the seemingly most intuitive assumption that memory is part of human Being. This follows as I am most intimately aware of human Being and memory in that way. In this inquiry we shall begin to describe the relationship between human Being and Awareness.

Our first looks into origin had us recognize some primordial states of awareness which once were. From these primordial states we arrive at our present state of Awareness. During this time, change of the human Being had taken place. This is the ‘growth’ or ‘development’ which we previously assigned to Awareness itself. This initially seemed appropriate, yet, if it is the human Being which experiences, and undergoes, change then it may be the case that awareness does not change; rather the human Being’s relationship to awareness changes. At this point we may introduce the term ‘consciousness’ and distinguish it from Awareness.

We are at present concerned with the relationship between our human Being and Awareness. There has always been awareness, as states our departure point (We will inquire into this ‘having always been’ in the future). I was during previous states of awareness; there was Being. This Being has changed though, most notably in the way in which it is aware of Awareness. So it seems not so much that awareness changed, but rather that consciousness has changed the way in which awareness is aware.

We must begin to examine the nature of this change produced by consciousness. We know that the change involves consciousness, awareness, and Being. A development occurs within the human Being. From primordial states of awareness comes Awareness; from awareness to Self-Awareness. Both are awareness, yet the two are made separate by the way in which they are accessed. The latter is aware of its awareness, while the first, awareness, is just aware. Both of these awarenesses have been aware of not only human Being but also its development; the awarenesses have been aware of consciousness. Awareness has been aware of consciousness in both its primordial and present state. Having just glimpsed this notion of consciousness as development, we will pause and reflect before proceeding to a more thorough description.

First Words on Origin

From this present moment of Awareness of Being I rely on memory to face ‘my’ origin; the arising of these happenings. Through memory, I seemingly trace moments of my Awareness of Being to moments less clear. These moments are those of my Being in my early teens, childhood, early childhood, toddlerhood and infancy; though it is apparent that the clarity of all moments recedes rather quickly. These states appear undeniably different than my current, or present, state of Awareness. These previous states are of a more primordial nature. From present reflection these earlier states seem less developed, most notably in their ability or allowance for self-awareness.

Tracing back further, we reach a point where we must ask: Prior to any noticeable developing (i.e. before the human being became) did awareness arise from a state of nothingness? Let us first examine nothingness in relation to awareness. As our point of departure states: Being and Awareness give rise to each other; both occur together or neither occurs. We can assume then that nothingness in relation to Awareness is nonbeing. If awareness is not aware of Being then we may say it is empty. Empty-awareness is not aware of anything. So, empty-awareness is not awareness. Our basic examination then leads us to recognize a possible nothingness from which awareness may have arisen and began developing. Yet, it is incoherent, or otherwise exceedingly bizarre, that anything arise from nothing. We must look further into the nature of empty-awareness and examine what relationship it has with nothingness.

Clarification of Terms:

– Empty-awareness: Awareness which is not full of anything, in which nothing is contained. This assumes awareness to be an entity which is a container for happenings and phenomena. It also assumes that such a container can exist without anything contained.

– Nothingness: Absolute non-existence of all.

As we noted above, empty-awareness appears to be an incoherent concept. In missing the integral aspect of awareness, that which awareness is of, empty-awareness is inconceivable. So then in our first examinations of origin we reach an apparent absurdity. Either awareness arises from nothingness or there is such an empty-awareness prior to awareness. We have set the grounds for a deeper, more through inquiry into these possible aspects of experience and their associations.

Starting Point (1)

To explore Being and Awareness in the most thorough manner possible we must be aware of potential limitations. One such limitation is found in language. We must understand how language is to be used in this inquiry and to what point it will likely have the ability take us. I do not believe that we should expect a sort of complete definition of Being and Awareness through the use of language as I do not believe such a thing to be possible. It must be kept in mind that words are symbolic. As symbols words point, or direct our attention, to an aspect of experience. As pointers words are once removed from the experience being pointed to. So, words are not equivalent to experience; words indicate aspects of experience. This point seems obvious but I think it is best to make this clear from the start so that we may use language in the most beneficial way.

With this said, in starting I believe it best to begin to shape the idea of what we are moving towards in our inquiry into Being and Awareness. As we noted above, we are not seeking a strict linguistic definition of Being or Awareness. We certainly shouldn’t limit ourselves in whatever may be revealed, yet it would be all the more limiting if we were to never move beyond the words. I believe we should attempt to move towards a way of using language in which the pointing towards the phenomenon in question is most precise and illuminating. I find it plausible that we may work our way to a perspective, through description and other means of pointing towards, which fully reveals in experience our intimate connection with Being and Awareness.

Our style of inquiry will be experienced based. Being is present and current; taking place in your reading of this text. There is nowhere else one must refer in order to experience Being. In adopting this style I find elaborate arguments unnecessary. This is not to suggest that our inquiry will be illogical or whimsical, rather the only defense will be the experience of Being itself. Whatever may show itself through this inquiry will not be ignored. Whether we come to find our point of departure flawed or are faced with radical implications, so be it. In this preparation phase, I find it best to start with the intention to let the phenomenon of Being and Awareness unfold and reveal themselves as they may; with no motivation other than the describing and open exploration of Being and Awareness. I cling to no theories which I plan on defending by way of our inquiry. I invite critique and criticism so long as they come with an understanding of the nature of our inquiry. In beginning the preparation phase and finding some footing from which we may proceed, our exploration of Being and Awareness has begun.